2012 Stanley Cup Finals Anti-Preview

The matchup for the Stanley Cup Finals has been set for days due to a couple of factors. The first factor is that my foolproof prediction system from the last round was absolutely the best. Second the Rangers managed to remember that Lundqvist was the only worthwhile player on that team and then sagged into a depression. This of course was a perfect opportunity for a black pit of despair such as New Jersey to thrive. Still, the Devils are a better team that I give them credit for since I ignore the existence of Zach Parise until his free agency rolls around. The third factor: The Coyotes were a sickening bunch of overachievers that rightfully sunk in obscurity after they played a hockey team that wasn’t pleased as punch to shoot themselves in the collective foot. It isn’t as if I’m bitter about anything. 

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2012 Stanley Cup Anti-Preview (Part 3): The Re-Return

Here we are at the third preview of this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. Unless you put in the time to watch the Phoenix-Nashville series then the second round has been packed with good hockey and some excellent sports drama. If you were among those masochists or Coyotes fans that watched the less loved Western semifinal then you were witness to a lot of disappointment and brouhaha about a couple of Eastern Europeans who may or may not have or have not done something that is or is not really not or extremely disrespectful towards the Nashville Predators’ team rules. Unsurprisingly I pretty much did terrible with my predictions, thereby totally disproving the efficacy of mysticism as a serious element of sports journalism. I’ve never let more choices stop be in the past, so let’s go ahead and move on to the next round of previews and predictions!

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2012 Stanley Cup Anti-Preview (Round 2)

After weeks of overtime, blundering, and generally mediocre play the Eastern Conference finally managed to wrap up the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. As far as my predictions go I did much better in the East as I my assumption that medioctiry would be the key to victory as we saw Washington, New Jersey and the Flyers all advance despite a total lack of ability to play vital aspects of the game. I got my Ottawa prediction wrong, but I’m not all that broken up about it. The Western conference showed some real spirit as the Canucks managed to put up as strong an effort as a pumpkin getting kicked in the face by a teenager. The coin flip that landed me on the Sharks failed to take into account that the Sharks are old and the Blues players still haven’t realized that they are doomed to failure. Chicago and Phoenix played hockey often on the same sheet of ice and they continued to do so until one of the teams won. This is the way of things. Finally, despite Nashville’s victory of the Red Wings in five games, true victory was in the hands of the Detroit fans as they held the moral high ground. The fans maintain that the team defeated itself since Nashville doesn’t deserve a team and therefore any of the Southern team’s victories “don’t count.” And now on to Round 2

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2012 Stanley Cup Anti-Preview (Part 1)

It can't come as much of surprise that a year later we find ourselves once again poised on the mind searing edge of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. By now you've probably read about half a dozen different Playoff prediction blogs and articles. Guess what, all of them are terrible and we both know it. Oh, the Penguins have a good offense? How about the fact that some people question the quality of Florida's goal tending and think the Kings lack scoring depth. This is the season when pundits and bloggers like to act like pre-Lutheran clergy issuing wafers of knowledge that they invite you to dip in their mind salsa. In response to their actions I offer my completely and utterly useless playoff previews.

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The NHL Mercy Rule

During any one of the recent trouncing defeats of the Columbus Blue Jackets by basically any team in the entire NHL I decided that the NHL could do more to address the struggling team in the league. Out of this brief thought I constructed a series of new additions the NHL rulebook; these new rules will now and forever be known as the Mercy Rules.

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