2012 Stanley Cup Anti-Preview (Part 3): The Re-Return

Here we are at the third preview of this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. Unless you put in the time to watch the Phoenix-Nashville series then the second round has been packed with good hockey and some excellent sports drama. If you were among those masochists or Coyotes fans that watched the less loved Western semifinal then you were witness to a lot of disappointment and brouhaha about a couple of Eastern Europeans who may or may not have or have done something that is or is not really not or extremely disrespectful towards the Nashville Predators’ team rules. Unsurprisingly I pretty much did terrible with my predictions, thereby totally disproving the efficacy of mysticism as a serious element of sports journalism. I’ve never let more choices stop be in the past, so let’s go ahead and move on to the next round of previews and predictions!

Eastern Conference Finals:

#1 New York Rangers vs. #6 New Jersey Devils

The Rangers are the last high seed team remaining in these 2012 playoffs (hm, what was that? Coyotes you say? No.). New York were able to beat back the Capitals in 7 arduous games and they get to take on the always impressive New Jersey Devils. No, I’m kidding. If you think that the first few rounds are just for sharpening one’s claws, then the Devils spent the past few weeks tearing through wrapping paper like a puppy on his birthday. Relatively speaking. Personally I don’t know who I’d want to win since it is like choosing between having a conversation with Ryan Lambert about art or eating at La Bernardin with Mike Milbury. In the end I guess I’d like to see the Rangers move on just to see how fellow UTP editor Cait reacts.

Players to Watch:

• I utterly failed in my efforts to learn the names of the Devils defensemen. Mourn for me.
• Much like how strapping butter toast to a cat’s back creates an anti-gravity device, Ilya Kovalchuk will achieve ascension as his point totals and +/- continue to demonstrate a strong inverse relationship.
• Despite making it to the Eastern Conference Finals, Tortorella will continue to treat Stu Bickel as a real hockey player. Try and make sense of that one Steve Eminger.
• At some point Marian Gaborik will be found in an ill lit room cackling and drumming his fingers together while watching Slovakian IIHF World Championship highlights.

 Prediction: The Devils in 6 games

Western Conference Finals:

#8 Los Angeles Kings vs. #3 Phoenix Coyotes

The Phoenix Coyotes have shown themselves to be an astoundingly tight defensive machine backed by bizarrely stellar goaltending. This might worry the sand puppies’ opponents, but the Kings just spent their semifinal series making an astoundingly tight defensive machine backed by bizarrely stellar goaltending look worse than the Nashville Predators. Now, I’m not saying that the Kings are an unstoppable juggernaut rolling on their merry way to swatting their opponents in pits full of ravenous crocodiles just for the chance to once again demonstrate that the number of appearance on NBC channels doesn’t equate to post-season success, but they are pretty damned close. As for the Coyotes, they are a hockey team. And I mean that in the best way possible.

Players to Watch

• Antoine Vermette is the Coyotes leader in goals (5) and points (9). Expect him to continue to put up good numbers as further proof that after the Columbus Blue Jackets life can only get better.
• Jamie McLennan recently said that one of the great things about Mike Smith is that the Phoenix goalie is successful because he lets the puck come to him. So there you are future goalies, stop chasing the puck.
• Willie Mitchell will successfully disrupt the Phoenix transition game by flashing them his murder eyes every time the Coyotes cross the centerline.
• Under Daryl Sutter, Dustin Penner has emerged as a great personality and a motivated hockey player. To this end do not be surprised when Penner reveals himself to be Pacman in disguise.

Prediction: The Kings in 7 games

How did I make my predictors this time? I picked ordered pairs of numbers from the serial codes on old copies of Businessweek.