A Different Look At New Arenas

It's been a sad few years for hockey fans.  Slowly the old barns have been transforming into these monolithic, pristine white multi purpose venues where the hoity toitiest of performers will come and off set the craziest costs.  I don't know about you, but when I think of watching hockey live, my mind wanders to sticky cement floors, cinderblock walls painted brown or maybe tan or pink?  And seats that have clutch marks in their armrests from years of panicked fans.  I'm someone that feels at home in that "lived in" feeling (mind you, I'm talking about "lived in" not "we should go get vaccinated after this" filth).  

There's no question, the game of hockey is changing, but the change off the ice seems to be ignored.  Many say it's to bring in the corporate accounts, but after hanging out in the newly completed MSG, I call shenanigans.  Planners and architects and builders are looking to attract a completely untapped market for hockey fandom:

Superheroes!

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2013 Stanley Cup Anti-Previews: Round 3: 7 games closer to summer sadness

Generally speaking I've found most of this year's playoffs to be kind of dull. There was some good drama in the first round with a few near upsets and emotional and mental regression of the Montreal Canadiens, but even those few scraps were wont to be found in the second round. If Bettman had just handed off the Stanley Cup to the Blackhawks after they came from behind and spit on the Wings' grave, I don't think anyone would've complained. Well, Bruins fans would've complained and Bettman would've been forced to give them a second Cup and maybe a CD of Dropkick Murphys B-sides. Wrapping it up: the conference finals begin on Saturday and the Kings and Hawks get to play back-to-backs because the NHL isn't going to waste a weekend and screw the Western Conference teams. It isn't as if getting from Los Angeles to Chicago on a Saturday night is a difficult thing to accomplish.

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2013 Stanley Cup Anti-Previews: Round 2

The first round is behind us in the sense that it was yesterday and the second round in before us in the sense that it is already going on as I type this summary. Despite the impossible timelines I am proud to bring you my analysis of the second round.

Eastern Conference

#1 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #7 Ottawa Senators

This is an interesting matchup because the Penguins struggled to overcome the mighty New York Islanders and newly revealed superhero John Tavares. Meanwhile the Senators managed to stop being incredibly boring in the wake of the Habs descent into villainy. The Pens will have to show that they can overcome another mediocre team without their absurd egos popping and getting Lemieux-goo all over the shitty parts of Pennsylvania.

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Can The Soulless Be Merkin Models? (Please Say No)

This list of men have many things: great talent, extensive suspensions, a thatch you pray never is duplicated for merkin use, a set of twins.  

What this list doesn’t have?  SOULS!

Sure, plenty have made lists about the gingers of the NHL but how many have ranked them by the level of soullessness.  Here’s a lovely list of gingers based on their level of soul possession.

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UTP Reviews: The NHL 13 Soundtrack

While playing the most recent version of EA's NHL video games series I had a couple of thoughts. The first was that while I'm sure the new skating engine is very realistic it also makes the game incredibly frustrating when combined with the AI having magnetic sticks and all the goalies having been crossbred with Shiva. The second was that I'd finally had enough of the soundtrack. At this point I imagine that you've either replaced the included songs with your own, or you've done what I do and calmly accept to loathe yourself as you hum along. That's part of the reason that I've waited so long before writing this review.

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