2013 Stanley Cup Anti-Previews: Round 3: 7 games closer to summer sadness

Generally speaking I've found most of this year's playoffs to be kind of dull. There was some good drama in the first round with a few near upsets and emotional and mental regression of the Montreal Canadiens, but even those few scraps were wont to be found in the second round. If Bettman had just handed off the Stanley Cup to the Blackhawks after they came from behind and spit on the Wings' grave, I don't think anyone would've complained. Well, Bruins fans would've complained and Bettman would've been forced to give them a second Cup and maybe a CD of Dropkick Murphys B-sides. Wrapping it up: the conference finals begin on Saturday and the Kings and Hawks get to play back-to-backs because the NHL isn't going to waste a weekend and screw the Western Conference teams. It isn't as if getting from Los Angeles to Chicago on a Saturday night is a difficult thing to accomplish.

#1 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #4 Boston Bruins

The Penguins and Bruins combined to defeat six truly awful teams on their respective journeys to the Eastern Conference Final. The trial they faced was vital since it definitively demonstrated that the grand total of worthwhile teams in the East can be calculate with the following equation:

T = 1 + X

T = total number of worthwhile teams in the Eastern Conference

X = Sidney Crosby’s concussion status ranging from 0 to 1

The thought of either of these teams winning the Stanley Cup would make me sick to my stomach if it weren’t for their presence in the ECF being so blandly predictable. This match up is the instant potatoes of the Playoffs. The hockey media will add the salt of Iginila and the butter of the Vokoun feel good story. But nothing will change the fact that someone decided to use butter buds and substituted milk in favor of water in the name of “healthy eating.”

Players To Watch:

• At lot of people felt like Tomas Vokoun would eventually lose his starting spot to Marc-Andre Fluery. That is probably why Vokoun replaced his net minding partner with that dorky looking French guy.
• Looking over Pittsburgh’s roster I can’t help but think that the Penguins are the sort of team you’d take home to your parents, if you were Canadian. And then Matt Cooke only if your parents were Don Cherry.
• Dougie Hamilton looks like a toe. He’s also towheaded.
• Two players in NHL have had the first name Kaspars. Both players were born in the city of Riga in Latvia. But it is Kaspars Daugavins has proven to be the superior Kaspars by playing a post-season game.

#1 Chicago Blackhawks vs. #5 Los Angeles Kings

I’ve always believed that Corey Crawford was a better goalie in the sense that he isn’t bad in the sense that things tend to hit him more often than not. It doesn’t change the fact that I still wanted to see Ray Emery get a shot during the playoffs, but my impassioned letters to Joel Quenneville were obviously ignored. The Blackhawks struggled during the early rounds of the Playoffs, but managed to play through the adversity to hopefully emerge as a finely honed blade. The Kings didn’t have that advantage as they played a team forbidden from touching the cup and the San Jose Sharks who still don’t quite understand how the whole post-season thing works. Still, I’m really looking forward to watching games 1, 2, and 6 and 7 (if required)

Players To Watch:

• Look for Marian Hossa’s play to further improve against the Kings as he overcame Detroit’s failed attempts to spill his traitorous on the salted earth of Joe Louis Arena.
• Michael Frolik is a pretty cool dude in that he’s officially helped contribute to Wings fans’ bizarre persecution complex. And yeah, the sole purpose of this is to link to J.R. Lind’s Red Wings eulogy over at Puck Daddy.
• The great thing about the Kings dropping all color from their jerseys is that their McDonald’s logo really pops now. It really brings out the hunger in Dustin Penner’s eyes.
• I hate that Slava Voynov is only 23 because he’s going to get at least a little bit better and that sucks for the entire Western Conference. I also hate myself because Voynov is only my second favorite Slava.