2012 Stanley Cup Finals Anti-Preview

The matchup for the Stanley Cup Finals has been set for days due to a couple of factors. The first factor is that my foolproof prediction system from the last round was absolutely the best. Second the Rangers managed to remember that Lundqvist was the only worthwhile player on that team and then sagged into a depression. This of course was a perfect opportunity for a black pit of despair such as New Jersey to thrive. Still, the Devils are a better team that I give them credit for since I ignore the existence of Zach Parise until his free agency rolls around. The third factor: The Coyotes were a sickening bunch of overachievers that rightfully sunk in obscurity after they played a hockey team that wasn’t pleased as punch to shoot themselves in the collective foot. It isn’t as if I’m bitter about anything. 

#6 ECC New Jersey Devils vs. #8 WCC Los Angeles Kings

If I take this in the entirely wrong direction we have a classic matchup between Spain and France. There are those out there that are unexcited or unhappy with this year’s Cup Final, and that is perfectly ok. For those people I suggest focusing on the vibrant culture, the soaring spirit, and the fierce independence of the Basque people that live in Pyrenees Mountains between France and Spain. I guess in this analogy that would make you Colorado Avalanche fans, which is great if you love skiing and good whiskey.

New Jersey Devils:

To move away from the previous metaphor, the Kings and the Devils series should be an interesting one. The Devils defeated flawed hockey team after flawed hockey team on their quest to reach the final. Anchoring the team has been the ever-aging Marty Brodeur who has been a waterbed of defense in net during the postseason. The nameless defensive corps of the Devils has shockingly effective and will become even better with the return of Henrik Tallinder who hilariously makes less money than Marek Zidlicky. Everyone knows who the forwards are, right? Yeah.

Los Angeles Kings:

The Kings have quickly become everyone’s favorite after treating the opening three rounds of the Playoffs as practice. They beat a team brimming with talent, they beat a team with incredible cohesiveness, and they the St Louis Blues as was written in the Ancient Tomes of the Hockey Gods (if you’re curious about that, the Tomes just say that the Blues are never allowed to win the Stanley Cup or have nice things). What else can be said about the Kings? They can roll four effective lines, one of which includes a Jeff Carter that is relishing in playing playoff hockey for the first time in his NHL career; it is really an impressive feat for a guy who has fifty postseason appearances with the Philadelphia Flyers

Players to Watch:

• Expect herculean efforts from Dainius Zubrus and Anze Kopitar throughout the entire series since this the Stanley Cup is about the only major tournmanet either has a chance of winning.
• Earlier I joked about Brodeur being a waterbed. I fully expect a Rocky style training sequence that will end with a trim and youthful Marty. Unfortunately the new look will reduce his effectiveness and Adam Larsson will be sent on a donut and eggs benedict run.
• The possible return of Simon Gagne is both awesome and totally unfair to the New Jersey Devils. It also sets up a Might Ducks 2 moment when the Kings emerge in 2007 style Flyers jerseys.
• If the Devils manage to lift the Stanley Cup then it would be that the Canadian hockey players were about as successful this season as the national team was at the World Championships

Prediction: The maintenance guy at my apartment building said Miami in 6, whatever that means.

And so I wrap up the final Anti-Preview of the 2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Many Bothans died to bring you these previews.