Don't Be A Dick: An NHL For The 21st Century

Alright that's it, I'm taking over the NHL.  I don't care what you think.  All I know is that I can bring you hockey and no one else seems to be doing this.  Under my new CBA this is how things will roll:  

• 33/33/33 split for any and all HRR. Yes. That's right.  33% to the players, 33% to the owners, 33% reinvested back into the league.  I want not only the players and owners benefiting from hockey coming back, but also grow the league so there's more incentive not to lockout again.  All of you are getting a pay cut. Deal with it.  Maybe in 10 years you'll all deserve more money but not now. It's a financial time out. 
• The hard cap will be removed.  There will be no soft cap or free market either.  You will get a three year contract at most, with a maximum of $2 million a year.  From there, players can receive bonuses. Hit 10 goals gets extra $250,000 thrown in, 15 assists means $300,000, and so on and so forth.  This way there's a reward system based on what you do that season, not what you've done in past season.  Don't like making only $2 million a year? Deal with it. Work for your money like the rest of us.  
• No more wheel of justice or Shanaban videos. It will be clear from now on.  Head hunting: 30 game suspension plus the player sitting in on a pre-school class when they do the lesson about keeping your hands to yourself and playing fairly plus $1 million donation to brain research. Kinda sucks if you're only making $2 million a year, right?  So don't do it!  And guess what, if the guy is knocked out cold from your head shot? 50 game suspension.  And owners will get fined $2 million per incident. Don't want to spend that kind of money? Don't sign players with head hunting history. Or gamble that he'll shape up.  The choice is yours.  
• Teams have two years to find new ownership/a new building/new whatever.  If you can't find it within this time frame, you're being moved to a city that wants and can afford you.  No more being a drain on the local economy, no more being bankrupt.  That shit's weak and I will not tolerate it. 
• There will be weekly townhall meetings in which players, owners, coaches, front office, other employees, and fans can submit question and suggestions to the league and we can address them as civil human beings so this *points to the CBA negotiation* doesn't happen again.  Addressing the problems or at least thinking about the problems prior to the expiration will save time.   
• The return of Cooperalls. Deal with it.