Sorry Ladies, We Probably Aren't Friends

Just shoot me if I ever make a sign like this

I've been a bad hockey fan.  

I judge other fans. 

Now I'm not talking about the times when I turn my nose up to Phoenix Coyote fans or ask Penguins/Devils fans if they have enough space on the bandwagon, I'm talking about something as a lady fan, I should be ashamed I do nearly every time.  

Ladies, if I see you in a star's shirtsey or sweater, I doubt I'll strike up a conversation with you for the sole reason that I assume that you're a no-nothing fangirl or wannabe puck bunny or just wearing it to appease your significant other.  

If I see a guy in a NJ Devils Zach Parise shirtsey, I'll offer him my condolences or if I see a guy in a Taylor Hall shirtsey, I'll ask if it came with a safety bubble.  A guy is going to get a nod of approval when I seen a King Henrik shirt. But the other day, when I saw a girl wearing Ilya Kovalchuk's shirtsey, I walked in the other direction to avoid her.  

Is she a Kovy fangirl? Maybe, but I'm not taking a chance.  

And I'd do the same if I saw a girl in a Rangers or Flames shirt.

But I'd FLIP A SHIT if I found out this was happening to me.  And I know I've touched upon this before, but I accused other people of being assholes towards female fans, never realizing that I'm guilty of being a jerk too. 

Just go through my drawers, Jordin Tootoo, Patrick Kane, Sean Avery (yes, I've a collection of assholes), Brian Boyle, two Gordie Howes, and Lanny McDonald shirtseys folded up nicely. And hanging in my closet is Mike Richter, Curtis Glencross, and Stu Bickel.  But you guys know me, you know I can sit down and talk about any team, any time, any place.  My brain absorbs hockey like no other topic. But I look like a fangirl, I give no fucks usually but now I'm starting to wonder.  

I'd never be caught dead in a Lundqvist or Iginla sweater/shirtsey but what about the other teams?  Do I look like a fangirl? Lets see:

I'd love to have Patrick Kane on my teams, not so I could doink him, but so we could get his awesome playing skills.  And I've offered to babysit him, once again not to doink him, but to make sure he didn't get into any trouble. 

Jordin Tootoo, on top of being an asshole, has a pretty interesting life story, I feel for the guy.  I don't want him on the Rangers or Flames but I enjoy watching him.  

Sean Avery was a god to me. His antics amused me to no end, following him through all his teams, celebrating the day the Stars sent him back, buying a sweatshirt from his line, I loved it all.  I could rattle off his stats and was part of my favorite line, I couldn't get enough of the guy.  

I can keep going, but no where do I own a sweater or shirtsey because I think a player is dreamy.  I can't tell you what color their eyes are, but I can tell you who's a great offensive defensemen.  I doubt I'll be able to pick out Cam Ward (or hell let's go closer to home, Marian Gaborik/Sven Baertschi) in a crowd, but you wanna chat about their strength and weaknesses? Sure let's hang out and chat!

I am not a unique little snowflake! There's more women like this out there, but I let a few awful ones ruin the potential of making new friends. 

So truly, ladies, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for not chatting you up if you're a diehard fan.  

Oh, but the sorry doesn't apply to you in the Crosby gear.